Miss PM

中英對照

J.K.羅琳 J.K. Rowling：

失敗帶來的紅利 The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

李宥樓／譯 2010/06/08

（哈佛大學畢業典禮演說，美國麻薩諸賽州劍橋市，二００八年六月五日）

浮士德校長，哈佛董事會及監事會的各位成員，各位教職員工，各位值得自豪的家長，以及今天最動要的主角，你們這些畢業生：

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

首先，我想說：「謝謝你們！」謝謝哈佛不僅給我一個至高無上的榮耀，還讓我為了準備這場演說而忍受了好幾星期的恐懼與噁心，因而減肥成功。這可真是雙贏的局面！此刻，我唯一必須做的就是深呼吸，瞇起眼睛看著眼前的紅色橫幅，說服自已：我確實身處於世上最棒的「葛來分多學院」 (Gryffindeor，譯注：哈利波特在霍格華茲魔法學校中所屬的學院) 的聚會中。

The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.

發表畢業典禮演說是個重責大任，我反覆思量該講些什麼，直到我憶起自已的畢業典禮。當天的演講者傑出的英國哲學家瑪麗沃諾克 (Mary Warnock) 男爵夫人。對她的演講的沈思，對我完成今天這篇演講稿大有助益，因為我根本不記得她講的任何隻字片語。這個發現讓我如釋重負，下筆時不再害怕我會在無意中影響你們，讓你們為了享受那變成「同志魔法師」 (gay wizard, 譯注：哈利波特中霍格華茲魔法學校的校長鄧不利多是個同志，年輕時曾與魔法師葛林戴華德相戀)　的暈然愉悅，而放棄在商業、法律或政治上的大好前景。

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, the law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

你聽懂我的意思了嗎？就算幾年後你只記得這「同志魔法師」的笑話，我還是超越了瑪麗沃諾克男爵夫人。有了可達成的目標：正是邁向自我成長的第一步。

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step to self improvement.

事實上，為了「今天該對你們說什麼」這個問題，我的頭腦和我的心都備受煎熬。我問自已：我希望在自已畢業時就已經瞭解哪些事情？從畢業那天到現在的二十一年間，我學到了哪些重要的教訓？

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that have expired between that day and this.

我想到兩個答案。在這美好的一天，當我們歡聚一堂慶賀你們學業成功時，我決定跟你們談談「失敗的效益」。另外，當你即將步入有時被稱為「現實生活」的大門之時，我想要歌頌至關重要的「想像力」。

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

這兩個答案聽起來像唐吉訶德式幻想，或自相矛盾的選擇，但請大家多多包涵。

These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

對我這種已經四十二歲的人來說，回首看自己二十一歲畢業時的情景，是有點不舒服的事情。我的前半生，一直因為難以在自己的雄心壯志與親人對我的期待之間取得平衡而不斷掙扎。

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

我一直深信自己唯一想做的事情是寫小說。然而，我那出身貧寒又沒上過大學的父母親認為，我過於活躍的想像力只不過是可笑的個人怪癖，絕不可能拿來付貸款，也不可能確保我能拿到退休金。現在的我，已經知道他們對我的嘲諷力道就像拿著卡通式的鐵砧在打擊我。

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that would never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. I know that the irony strikes with the force of a cartoon anvil, now.

就這樣，他們希望我能取得一張職業專科文憑，而我卻想要攻讀英國文學。最後我們達成妥協：我去攻讀「現代語言」。事後回想起，我們雙方都不滿意這個協議。我父母的車都還沒彎過馬路盡頭的轉角呢，我已迫不及待地拋下德語，匆匆逃進古典文學的迴廊。

So they hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

我不記得是否曾告訴我父母我念的是古典文學，他們很有可能是在我畢業典禮那天才發現這個事實。從「保證拿到通往高級浴室的鑰匙」的面向來看，我想，他們幾乎不可能在這個星球上找到比希臘神話更沒用處的學科了。

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

插個話，我想澄清一下：我並不怪我父母有這樣的想法。埋怨父母誤導你走上錯誤方向這件事是有限期的；當你年紀大到有能力自己掌舵時，就要自己承擔責任。再說，我也不會因為父母希望我終身都不會貧窮而批評他們。他們過去一直很窮，而我自己也曾經貧窮過，我相當贊同他們的觀點：貧窮並非一種高尚的經驗。貧窮的人必須面對恐懼與壓力，有時還會沮喪抑鬱。貧窮意味著成千個小羞辱與艱苦難關。靠自己的努力爬出貧窮，確實值得自豪，但只有傻瓜才會向人訴說貧窮本身是浪漫的。

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

我在你們這個年紀的時候，最害怕的不是貧窮，而是失敗。

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

我在你們這個年紀的時候，在大學裡明顯缺乏動力，花了太多時間在咖啡廳寫小說，太少去聽課，然而，我自有考試過關的訣竅，而這正是多年來造就我以及與我同輩的人生成功的方法。

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

我不會笨到以為只因你們還年輕、天賦優異、受過良好教育，就不曾遇到難關或心碎。才華與聰明，從來都不是能讓人對無常命運免疫的預防針。我也不會假設在座的每個人都已經享有平靜無波的恩典與心滿意足的生活方式。

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

然而，你們確實即將從哈佛畢業了，這代表著你們尚未非常熟悉「失敗」這回事。「害怕失敗」對你造成的影響可能跟「渴望成功」一樣多。更確切地說，你對失敗抱持的觀念，可能與一般人對成功的見解相去不遠。你們已經飛得這麼高了。

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown.

我們每個人終究得自己決定構成失敗的元素有哪些，但是，如果你願意聽別人的話，這個世界會迫不及待地提供你一套失敗的標準。不論根據哪一種傳統的評價標準，平心而論，在我畢業將近七年後，我徹底地失敗了。一段異常短命的婚姻結束了，我沒有工作，還成了單親媽媽，雖不至於無家可歸，但對現代英國的生活而言，可說是窮到不能再窮了。我父母擔心我會遭遇的慘事，以及我以往憂慮自己會碰到的境遇，同時成真了，而且，不論從哪一種傳統標準來看，我都是我認識的人當中最失敗的一個。此刻，站在這裡，我不會告訴你們說：失敗是有趣的事。那段時期，我的生活黯淡無光，我根本不知道有天我的人生將會出現媒體所描繪的某種童話般解決困境的出口。我不知道這條隧道究竟有多長、還得走上多久。任何可能閃耀於隧道出口的光亮，對我而言，都只是個希望，不是真實的。

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

既然如此，為什麼要談失敗的好處呢？簡單說，因為失敗意味著剝光無關緊要的東西。我不再假裝我是某種其實並不是真正的我的人，而開始直接將我的精力投入於只跟我自己有關的工作上。倘若我真的在其他領域成功了，我可能永遠不會立定決心，一定要在真正屬於我的舞台上成功。我被釋放了，因為我最深層的恐懼已經成真了，而我卻仍然活著，我仍然擁有我深愛的女兒，我還擁有一台老舊的打字機以及偉大的創意。就這樣，人生的谷底，變成我重建人生的堅實基石。

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

你們或許不曾像我一樣遭遇過那麼嚴重的失敗，然而，人生難免有失敗；只要活著，就不可能完全免於失敗，除非你活得非常小心翼翼到彷彿一生都沒有活過──在這種情況下，你的失敗來自於放棄生活。

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

失敗給了我內在的安全感，我從未因為考試過關而獲得這種安全感。失敗讓我認識自己，這是沒辦法透過其他事情學到的。我發現我有堅強的意志，我其實可以做到我曾懷疑自己做不到的紀律。我也發現我擁有比任何寶石都還有價值的朋友。

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

當你認知到你已經從挫折中站起來，變得更睿智、更堅強，你會感到安心，確定從今往後你都能靠自己的能力生存下來。如果沒有經過逆境的考驗，你絕無法真正了解自己，了解你的人際關係的力量。這種認知，是真實不虛的禮物。這個禮物，對所有人來說，都必須先經歷痛苦才能獲得；它比我曾拿到的每張證照都要寶貴。

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

正因如此，如果給我一個時光器，我會告訴二十一歲的我：人的幸福來自於「了解生活並非一張收穫或成就的檢查清單」。你的學歷或證照，你的簡歷，並不等於你的人生，雖然你會發現許多我這輩或更老一點的人們分不清這兩者之間的差別。生活是困難的，複雜的，誰都沒辦法全面掌控──謙卑地認清這個事實，有助於你安然渡過人生無常的滄桑。

So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

未完…

（本文轉載歐普拉等18位名人新書《親愛的畢業生們！》，李宥樓譯，大寫出版，大雁發行）

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